Who Is This

Wow! its funny how time can go so fast when you don't want it to... and so slow when you just want, the moment that feels like a month, to be over! I guess its time for an update... To start, my life has taken many turns over the last few yrs. Many of you have been with me through a lot of them. Over the past few yrs i have been struggling through college pursuing some sort of music degree all in hopes of pursuing my dream of playing music for a living. Its funny though because i played less music in music school than i played before i went in. My passion for music seemed to be lost after leaving the school i attened for 3 1/2 yrs. That thing inside of me that wanted to play music was sparked over the following months by seeing different band play ect. But for the most part i was just kinda convinced that music was not for me. I considered going to culinary school and continuing scholling for counseling but i could never get excited about any of it. Somewhere in the midst of all the chaos, i was partaking in a cup of marlton diner's coffee, a beautiful blonde girl walked in and introduced herself and sat down at my table. This person is now my fiance'... LAURA, THE. She has helped to spark the fire inside of me to run with my dreams. Its nothing that she does or says...its just who she is. She has never seen me play a show, and the most she has heard of me is when i am fooling around on the guitar, and some of my rough mix recordings. I always thought i wanted the person i marry to be a musician, but being with her has changed my whole perspective on music. Laura takes some of the most amazing pictures i have ever seen. After seeing them, it hit me... her pictures do sing! She still is creative minded and has huge dreams. Her avenue of creativity is through photography. I couldn't have asked for anyone better!
I am actually playing a show for the first time in like a year! I realized i have to push hard through the down times of life/songwriting and pull the best out of what i can.
Being engaged... being engaged has its ups and downs. I haven't really felt like i was engaged these past 2 1/2 months ecept for a few key moments. The first of which is when i bought a ring at a crazy price and slide it on Laura's finger. (it wasn't to crazy) You have those times where you both look over at each other at the same time, and you know exactly what the other is thinking, "wow this is going to be my wife/husband. From here you return five minutes later after day dreaming about every amazing moment you have had. Yeah one of those moments. After that its almost like normal life. I will tell you what though, being engaged has made me sooo less selfish!! I am sure that as we start planning the wedding and the date is approaching, i will be pretty sure i am engaged!! Anyway... being engaged is the best thing that ever happened to me. You would think so too if you were engaged to someone like LAURA, THE!!!
So plans for the future... Well i am moving back to NJ on sept 20 it looks like, to start planning the wedding. I hope to have better luck finding a job. From there i want to pay off all my debt before my wedding. Also want to spend more time getting to know laura's family. After the wedding i would love to get into musicians institute in Hollywood, California
Well thats it for now!

Its been a while... since my last post. I got a job selling Kirby vacuums. it sucked!! it had the potential to make a ton of money. BUt i worked like 80 hrs a week. so i quit... i am applying at some places this weekend and i have an interview on monday with safeway. Other than that i have had no live for the past 3 weeks cause of that job. Now i have all this time and i don't know what to do.

Man where to start... Recently I have been pondering my thoughts pertaining to the church. For instance how it operates in this current day and age. I have gatherd so much information on this topic most of it saddening. None, of which, is beyond the redemptive workings of Christ. We are leaning towards a post- christiandom era. Most would agree that christianity really took off under the reign of Constantine with his issuance of the edict of milan. This edict stated that christianity was the only true religion and anyone caught opposing it was punished or killed. I completely diagree with the majority. I think it was this very period of time that a lot of bad habits came forth in the church today. As i have been studying the early church as well as the church today, i have come up with several theories. First I have noticed that many churchs have departed from the missional approach and instead migrated towards the attractional approach. You see attractional church does whatever it can to get all of the not-yet-christians, into the church walls. This way they can get saved. They do this by specializing in worship or having a great childrens program, or making their service more friendly to the un-churched. They may put up flyers, or invest much of the congregations tithe money in to making the church seem cool. Where as the missional church focuses on communal living. A missional church goes to the community, not trying to reinvent it, but instead coexist with it. For instance... take this typical situation... A group of skaters get together everyday at 4:00 after school. A person like you or I sees them everyday on our way home. The attractional church minded person would Start a new night time service geared towards these skater kids. They would put out flyers near the skate park inviting all interested in a new kind of church. They may even get a christian professional skater to come to the church as a guest speaker. They would do whatever they could to get these kids inside the walls of the church. The missional minded person would find someone in their church who skates and have them join their group. They would build relationships with these kids and in turn build trust. As they share life with these kids they will eventually have opportunity to share with them who they are and why they live the way they live. Also theses kids will become more comfortable to talk about their personal issues and beliefs. As this group grows in influence they may start to meet together on another day of the week and discuss the things of their new found faith. See this way we are not interupting a culture and at the same time we aren't giving up any of our core values as christians.
Secondly I would pose the idea of communal living with no "pastors". This dates back to the Jesus movement era. Instead of geting together once a week, we just live life together.

Well my fingers are tired of typing... more to come later

Hell hey! I am engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world...Laura Harris! I did it in portland, OR at the rose festival on a ferris wheel. The wedding will be somewhere around june 2006!

So its been a WEEK IN oREGON NOW. And i have already managed to break my foot again!! same three places as before. Now i can't work for a month!!

I am having a goodbye me party on Monday (memorial day) At my house from like 2 to 5 or 6. let me know if you need directions!! It will be like a BBQ!

I hate saddness! Its like an addictive drug that sucks you in! Its a completely unnecissary emotion. As i go through my day there are moments of fun and laughter, moments of thought, moments of expereincing joy, but when all is said and done, i lay in bed at night in saddeness. See...this is a result of watching people. Its like i see right through whatever mask they have on straight into their saddeness and intense pain. I am always trying to figure out what people are thinking. Have you ever looked at someone passing you by and wondered where they were going? Or maybe tried to understand what they were thinking. I have and do so often. I find myself wondering if this person contemplated killing themselves today. Or maybe this other person feels like they are all alone. I wonder why parents beat their kids, or why a husband would hit his beloved wife. I hear of these things and the first thing i think of is not what horrible people they are. Instead i think how sad does one have to be to do these things! I can't help but cry some nights at the lack of true happiness and joy in this world. The worst is knowing that i can do nothing to change people! I work in the resturant industry. All day long i see people full of selfishness (some of the saddest people) coming to my resturant to enjoy a lovely evening. Have you ever seen a couple, consisting of two sad people, connect? Its such an interesting phenomenon. Its like they just melt into each other and become this dark-hued mess of self approval. Its almost like they don't even have to be attracted to each other!! They just have a couple of drinks and start to mingle. Before you know it they go back to someones place and give up the most sacred thing they have, being their body, to that person the have known for only a few hours! Its because they are sad! They seek to erase the extreme sadness but only gain more.

SO today is marking the three weeks until i leave NJ! I am very excited. Looks like i will be living in Portland,OR. It has been amazing how God has just allowed everything to fall in place for us to move. For instance we obviously need quite a bit of money to be able to leave. So i have been praying about that and on sunday alone i made 380$ crazy!!! God has been blessing me as i step out in obedience. I can't wait!!!!

I am moving to Oregon!! Why you ask? My response is ...Why Not? It will be grand! I am so excited. The departure date is tentatively June 1. Laura and I will then drive for about a week and see the country before arriving at our destination.

Lately life has been really tough. Its kinda like I am completely powerless to make anything happen in my life. Everytime I get a job the place closes down! I can't figure out what school, if any, I want to go to! Church life is hard! Seems like everyone is too busy to ever do anything which limits my ability to connect with people. I am in a relationship with the most amazing girl and I can't even let her love me! I can't write any songs, and haven't been able to for like 5 months. ALso can't find anyone to play music with. I can't paint cause its too expensive! SO all in all I am completely powerless. I want to leave in the worst way. I want to just pick up and go somewhere.

Other than that things are great! I am very frustrated. I am ready for the next season.

Truth from God is like an uncut diamond! It comes to us with much work required. Its worth never sways. But it takes time for him to slowly cut away the impurities till we finally see its true beauty!

I can't stand the ridiculous circle I am caught up in. (waiting for the full beauty of God's truth) I set my alarm for a relatively early hour only to turn it off in the morning and sleep till 1 or 2pm. I then get up and have some breakfast. Next I wonder the house looking for something to do. With no luck, I then return to bed till about 3...blah blah Life is so saddening!

Today I start my new/old job again. The place I worked before got sold and the new owner shut the place down. This is due to waiting for the liquor liscence transfer. So today we have wine tasting for the new wine list. I love wine tastings. Tomorrow is the new menu class.

I love the weather!! It finally feels like spring!!

Have you ever had one of those periods of a couple of days were you realize things about yourself and then get kinda depressed?

I chose this mood because the little guy is cool

SO this weekend was awesome!! All day friday and sat. I was at a confrence with tons of people from the music industry. Basically it was a critque thing. Everyone plays there music and the people from the seminar critque you. Through this I met several key top name individuals. This one guy it sending my music to a guy named dexter green (collective souls' producer) to see if he will help me to producer and finish my album. Could be cool. We will see.

Also I got free tickets to a phil keaggy concert. That was neat. And after that I went to a phila wings game. That also was neat!!!

The bad part of the weekend was that I didn't get to see my Laurum very much :(

Tonight was awesome! I caught up with an old friend and it was amazing. Have you ever realized that someone you thought you knew, you didn't really know that well! But then you finally connect with them one night and you think to yourself, "what the hell have I been doing all these years." That is what happened tonight.

Just want to let you all know That I am so excited for the future. Also the best is yet to come!!!!

By the way this is the completion of day four of not smoking. Things are still very hard. I have cold sweats every night! I wake up and my sheets are soaked and I am freezing. Not sure if its related to not smoking or what.

So I have made it to day three!! This still sucks though! This has been the hardest time out of all the times I tried to quit smoking. The first night I woke up with cold sweats all night. That sucked. Please continue to pray for Laura and I to stay strong in this!